Top Ten Signs You're On A Bad Diet

From David Letterman's Top Ten List on January 4, 2005:


Top Ten Signs You're On A Bad Diet
10. You're not allowed to eat during months with an "R" in them.
9. You're told to replace food with crack.
8. Company sent you a fun house mirror to make you look thinner.
7. It's a Dr. Phil diet and after 2 weeks you look exactly like Dr. Phil.
6. You're sweating cottage cheese.
5. If you follow it faithfully, they promise you'll lose 2 pounds in the next 12 years.
4. You're only allowed to eat Ukranian foods rich in dioxin.
3. Sure you'll lose weight, but you're also a foot shorter.
2. It's the Atkins Diet--the Chet Atkins diet.
1. Youre ass has gone from Jennifer Lopez to Kirstie Alley.